Our first prestige’s award tonight is for the 'Most helpful member of the VLR community' this award covers all aspects of forum and non forum subjects. This award requires intellect and tact from the recipient. I’m still baffled at the nominees but let’s run with it.
The shortlist of nominations are
- Numb-Nutz
- Plugpin
- RedRebel
Speech: "Wow thanks very much for all the votes. I'd like to thank all the teachers at the academy that made my meteorological rise to fame possible. I'd like to thank everyone that was wise enough to accept my generous bribes and the pentecostal church for funding my campaign.
A big thank you to everyone at VLR & Aldus Huxley that made this magical mystery tour possible.
I will use my new found fame to work towards world peace and saving the rainforest tribes that have so much to teach us in the operation of iPOD's"
Moving on our next award is 'Richard Pryor Award for Services to Humour'.
The shortlist of nominations are:
- ElBasque
- Plugpin
- hashegotabeard
Speech: 'Webster's Dictionary defines excellence as "the quality or condition of being excellent". I'd like to thank everyone that voted for me, especially the parole board, who made it possible for me to be here tonight. This ones dedicated to all my homies in cells B through to G'.
Our next award is for 'Funniest VLR Moment' : As to date the best quoted moment was the VLR win over a Clan called SXB We did ask for a suitable response to what can only be called owning them, but due to the fact this win from VLR is obviously still a sore point. No response was forthcoming So please raise your glasses to the VLR team for a well constructed Win Hip Hip Hooray!!
Our next coveted award is for the 'Spammer of the Year' and most non-related contributor to posting on OPF and VLR. This off topic award is a most coveted award.
The shortlist of nominations are:
- Lloydfred
- Blarty
- Plugpin
Speech: 'I would like to thank my parents, my friends, my fans and my sponsors. A special shout out to Apple who stuck with me through the good and the bad times when my mac was on the fritz. There were moments when I thought about giving up, when those bigots out there said I couldn't do it, but I persevered and we made it!
Thanks for the memories!'
*Plugpin left stage right with tears in his eyes, asking whether the acceptance speech was 'Gwyneth' enough*
Our next prestigious award was created for the person who has supported the VLR phenomenon throughout is development. The 'Jeeves of VLR' award was created out of a frustration and has now become the most addictive gaming related site on the net.
The shortlist of nominations were
- Redrebel
- Numb-Nutz
- Ejay
Speech: "I have to do another speech? eerm..... yeah........ i didn't have this much scripted from my team of writers so well........ thanks
For this award i would thank my sources of inspiration in hard times; Paul Masson, Jacob's Creek & Hardys
Wow its lonely up here, you all look so far away....staring at me with you vacant eyes like sheep......i'm gonna sit back down, thanks again"
Moving on swiftly our next award is for the 'Funniest phrase' used on or off topic
There was really no contest on this one, due to the sheer number of times it has been posted and it's somewhat unique hijack capabilites - we've lost count of how many OPF threads have been hijacked by this small phrase.
'Zombies anyone!!..LEVEL 15 You'
Our next award was created for the person who fails to show at any given opportunity. Especially if work is to be done or important decisions are to be made. The award is aptly named 'The Loch Ness Award'.
The shortlist of nominations are:
- Worbbly
- PabloMansini
- Greecehot
Speech: "If I could say a couple of words, I'd be a better public speaker. But really guys, I regrettably accept my award as I feel I'm am the most hard working member of VLR. So f*ck you all!
The next award can only be described as 'The Most likeley to end up Inside' award. An accident waiting to happen. The award was inspired by none other than Mr Ted Bundy himself. Our Award is to highlight the inevitable outcome that the winner will indeed do 3-5 years at Her Majesty’s Pleasure.
The shortlist of nominations are
- Lloydfred
- Plugpin
- The-A-Niall-ator
Speech: "I'd like to thank My Mum and Dad, My agent and my fans........Without them this would not have been possible.........................What do you F***ING mean its for F***ING Niall, B****CKS to that the blokes a F***ING feg, I demand a F***ING recount................ WA*KERS!"
Oh, ok....... moving swiftly onto the next award before we're shut down!!
The next award was created for the person who has quite frankly far too much time on his hands. And is called the 'Night Lloyd Award'. The winner would spend countless hours wasting away in front of Ajax anticipating a reply to a message.
The shortlist of nominations are
- Plugpin
- Lloydfred
- Ejay
Speech: "Well I'd like to accept this award on behalf of Plugpin and myself, Lloydfred, for the recognition on the flow of messages we are responsible for on Ajax. Unfortunately, Plug cannot be here to accept the award due to a pressing discussion on Ajax that needed his attention. Once again we thank you for your kind but harsh thoughts.... 'peace' "
Pressing on as its only 8.30pm and before the water shed, this next award is the "You Make Me Sick Award"!! We have come to the award for the person who VLR thinks has the most issues. This award was created for the most twisted and depraved mind the industry has to offer.
The shortlist of nominations are
- Numb-Nutz
- Numb-Nutz
- And last, but not least, Numb-Nutz
Speech: "Thank you all for this lovely award........................Its got a nice shape!
Laters, I'm off to insert this award in the missus!.................What?"
Our next award is called the The "Pablo Picasso Award" and goes to the most creative Photoshop individual within VLR.
The shortlist of nominations are
- Redrebel
- Numb-Nutz
- Blarty
Speech: "I owe this award to my late great mentor Mr Tony Hart...............................
That said, Morph was always bitter about our relationship................But hey, F*ck the little fool, I'm a winner!"
Our next award is the "Stair Hogger Award" this award was created for the person who takes the strategic stair position in a Zombies match.
The shortlist of nominations are
- Skittles
- Plugpin
- The-A-Niall-ator
Speech: "While being throw on stage saved both time and effort I’d like to ask that my underwear be returned to me…fast hands might I add.
I’d like to thank the academy, the runners, the moaners, the crawlers, the dreamteam, all who helped me become L337 at Zombie Bashing. I’d also like to specifically thank Beard, the one who doesn’t mind covering windows and wall (and does it well), Red who covers the stairs in times when I run out of ammo. And especially Nutz, for giving me the drive to make sure my ass fully covers the stairs with his endless bitching about it….You know you secretly LOVE it!
22, you?"
Our next special award is for the "Member who probably comes from Coventry but insists on implying he’s from Ireland".
The shortlist of nominations are
- The-A-Niall-ator
- Mac Chops
- Tedcurley
And the next Award is "The Rear of The Year", this award was developed for the individual who thrusts themselves in front of your shoot. This action usually results in you getting killed and slinging profanities at said individual!!
The shortlist of Nominations are
- Plugpin
- hashegotabeard
- Lloydfred
Speech: "I would like to thank my comrades for firstly leaving enough space for me to squeeze myself into in order to take said bullet!!
I would also like to thank my mum and dad for believing in my creative streak and pushing me on through Call of Duty 4 and onto World At WAR.
If I can just have the light dimmed I've created a PowerPoint presentation to outline my playing strategies within said games!!
What you mean the PowerPoint has been cut.... you Booning my presentation!?"
Our next award has caused us some problems tonight. We in fact had to bring in the builders and widen the doorways lol only joking. The next category is called The Johnny B Award
The Shortlist of nominations are
- Skittles
- Skittles
- And obviously the pamper himself Johnny Bravo
Speech: "I’d first like to thank the person who provided the baby oil which enabled me to be shoved through the door.
Arrogance is a beautiful thing and to be placed up there with the Jonny Bravo’s of the world is the truest honour I can imagine.
I would say more but there is a mirror in the back with my name on it"
Our next section is dedicated to the member who has the Best Admin skills. This award was created for the member who always takes the time to develop and keep the revolution on track.
The shortlist of nomination are
- Numb-Nutz
- Worbbly
- Redrebel
Speech: "Another award wow. well thats the pension fund and gold teeth sorted for the future...........what they're not gold? what are they then?...........what? virtual?......... screw this! i can't pay my mortgage virtually, i'm in negative equity you know! bloody cheapskates!
Thanks very much *bows*"
The next Award is named "Hax!" This award was designed for the member who has shown an exceptional performance on the killing grounds of World At War.
The shortlist of nominations are
- Tedcurley
- Skittles
- Numb-Nutz
Speech: "Thank you, thank you all. Thank you for not checking your sixes or covering your tracks with claymores. The tall grass may be hiding more than just dog turds, I may have left you a present of my own, everyone's favourite composition 4.
Of course, one man doesn't stand a chance against a whole team, so I think an honourable mention must go to Niall, Ejay, and Numb Nutz for their peformances, be it as allies or enemies. Whereas my bravery may often falter and leave me hiding behind a car or running scared to safety, my comrades always volunteer to sacrifice their lives for the good of the team. I can only wish I will one day share their courage.
In the meantime, however, I am more than happy to continue sneaking around, hiding in the shadows, and making UAVs return the distrustworthy "ALL CLEAR".
Oh and Ejay, you promised never to let me forget about that catastrophic failed ninja defuse. Damn you."
Well our next award is called the "VLR Swear Box", for reasons that will become very obvious...very quickly! This has been developed for the foulest mouthed individual within VLR!..Ill keep this one short because we're all sure who has won it so lets move on.
The shortlist of nominations are
- The-A-Niall-ator
- Numb-Nutz
- And, yes, The-A-Niall-ator
Speech: "**** you, you ******** ***** you can ********* shove **** up your **** backwards"
Our next award is for the "VLR Night Watchman". Unfortunately, due to important military advisement to Gordon Brown, the winner was unable to attend tonight and will be presented his award on the battle field.
However our winner, ElBasque, has provided us with a coded statement, which, on closer inspection, actually turned out to be a receipt from Tesco.
Basque was asked to comment on the winning of the award but was alseep at the time as it was daylight. We hope he'll send us a message of thanks tonight but frankly we aren't staying up till ungodly hours to see it
The Next award is described as being, for perseverance in the face of being ignored, yes it's the 'Poon' award....
The Nominees are
- Boonchan
- Lloydfred
- Jackalackus
Did somebody say something?.........i think we all missed it
Now let's move on to the next award this evening, the 'Silent But Deadly' award.
No, not named because of bodily gasses, but for the least talkative member on Ajax chat
The shortlist was whittled down to:
- Shafmeastro
- hashegotabeard
- Worbbly
Speech: "err..........ta....."
Now the next award is for the Most Attractive member of the clan, and this award is only open
to those members of VLR that have unmasked themselves to others, although flashing in the local park has been ruled out.
In undertaking this award, and in keeping with the regulations, it is important to understand that the judges have had to confirm the authenticity of each picture, and many nominations did seem to have pictures that originated from the LadyBoy circus of Thailand, and they
were duly disqualified.
The nominations are
- Brewzter
- Worbbly
- Skittles
Speech: Brewz : 'Thanks very much, I think I speak for both Worbbs and myself in saying that although this is a joint award, it wasn't a joint picture,you know, we're not together or anything like that.'
Worrbly: 'Yeah'
Brewzter: '... and to be honest I'm surprised my picture was nominated, as apparently Google SafeSearch was turned on, when I was searching through Nutz' back catalogue of fine pictu.... Wha?'
Worrb: 'Shut up....'
Brewz: 'Oh yeah...ta anyway'
Worrb: ' Yeah....ta'
Now for next award - The VLR "Suicide Bomber of the Year" award, this award presented only to the most depressed emo-like players, is presented in a bomb-proof case, so even if the award winner, suddenly becomes depressed at being presented with such a prestigious commendation of their work, the award won't get damaged, or covered in gobbets of brains... plus we can re-use it next year...so everyone's a winner!
And now onto the nominations
- The-A-Niall-ator
- Skittles
- PabloMansini
Now we come onto out penultimate award of the evening for 'Most Embarrassing Clan-based Moment'
The nominations are
- TedCurley, for his failed Ninja defuse
- Greece, for taking an epic ninja defuse and being genuinely confused on the mic
- Ohmsford, for wandering around trying to find his teammates instead of defusing the bomb..... they were already dead by the way
We can see the other nominess breathing, which can only be described as, a sigh of relief, at not having to approach the stage.
Here comes Ted, approaching the stage, holding his head, in what can only be descibed as the classic facepalm position.
Speech: 'erm.... yeah.... I'm still very traumatised by the amount of laughing you bunch gave me.... my therapist, says *sniff* I should just LET IT GO *wail*.....*sniff* no I'm okay... keep it together, keep it together....'
And now for the last award of the evening the "Argh Cobras!" award for the sneakiest online player
This was one of the most difficult awards for this evening's judges, they couldn't find any of the nominees, and any time anyone bad-mouthed one of the nominees, they would find their breakfasts had been tampered with, and a small box of Milk Tray would be left to their beds, with not chocolates but a large dump inside....sneaky feckers
Anyway here's the nominees
- TedCurley (presenter dodges hidden C4)
- jackalackus (presenter dodges sniper bullet)
- The-A-Niall-ator (presenter dodges Irish accent)
Presenter: "Ted where are you?'
*Diembodied Voice*: I'd first like to say thanks to all those who voted for me, and the SAS who trained me, as well as all those people that drove here this evening
Presenter: "Drove here? What do you mean'
*Dismbodied Voice * : Well I've just nicked all your wheels and told the coppers your all terrorists....
Presenter: " You sneaky son of a ...."
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